Your parents are there to support and love you throughout your life, at least, that is what they are meant to do.
If you have parents who tend to say very hurtful things or they become physically abusive, then this can cause a lot of friction and problems in your relationship with them.
Both you and your parents have to work on your relationship, but that can be even harder if they act like they are never in the wrong.
Toxic parents are unfortunately not rare. When dealing with toxic parents, it’s essential to prioritize your mental and emotional health, even if it means taking challenging steps. If the situation becomes unbearable, seeking legal guidance might be necessary. Consulting a Family Lawyer Phoenix, or near you, can provide you with valuable insights into legal options such as emancipation if you’re a minor, which could help you gain independence from toxic family dynamics.
That is however a resort for the long term. In the short term, there are certain steps you can take to manage hurtful parents. If you find that you feel hurt when you are meant to spend time with them and you find it hard to stay calm when you are trying to have a conversation with them, take a look at some of these helpful tips that can inform you of what to do when faced with their bad behavior.
When May Parents Say Hurtful Things?
There are times when a parent’s reaction to something may be extreme, and you might notice that they use hurtful words during specific incidents.
Parents are not always able to say the right thing, and it is true that when they spend quality time with their kids, they might say things that they don’t mean or it just slips out.
It happens to all of us, but when it comes to parents, these feelings can be amplified and they cut more as children see them as their protection, but they are still human.
Even when children get older and become teenagers and adults, parents’ words can still cut deeply, and the emotional reaction they have can have at that moment toward their parents can cause more problems.
Below are some situations when parents will say hurtful words.
Comparing Children
It is not exactly a secret that some parents will compare their kids to one another.
If a child overhears this it can make them feel bad about themselves, and in some cases, they might feel like a bad person if their parents are not talking favorably about them.
What Gets Compared?
They may compare their children to other children in terms of abilities and behavior and the same can be said when they are comparing their siblings.
They might say something like “Why can’t you be more like…” “Why do you do that, you know… doesn’t do that”, and so on.
A child can see themselves as a failure, and if this is a constant at home, they can start to feel like an un-lovable person, and they might find it hard to remain calm when they get into an argument with their parents about who they are.
During Arguments
We all can get caught up in the heat of the moment, and when arguments bubble up to the surface, crosswords can be said a lot.
Through facial expression and body language, parents can get defensive and they may say something they might regret later to their child, especially if it is said in a direct and un-feeling way.
It is human nature for people to defend themselves, but when it comes to children that can be tricky, especially when they are at an age where they do not understand some emotions and are trying to process their own at the same time.
Criticizing Them For Their Choices
When a child grows up and starts to make their own choices, they don’t feel the same way as they used to, they discover more about themselves and they may pull away from their parents so they can go out on their own.
Most parents know this, and they are aware that at a certain point, children will change, however, it is not the best idea to criticize their choices, especially as it can make hurt their feelings and may stop them from spending time with their parents.
When They Are Showing Emotions
Children can be emotional and if a parent decides to downplay their children’s reactions saying that what they are feeling is not a big deal, this is denying them their emotions and basically pushing how they feel to the side which can cause them to react badly.
Invalidation on any level can make a child not want to open up or express themselves again, causing them to bottle up their emotions which can stifle them later on in life and may have them seeking professional help as they don’t understand why they can’t process their emotions like they want to.
Some parents may do this because of the time period in which they were brought up, so that can trickle down onto their kids which is continuing the cycle of emotion suppression.
What to do When Parents Say Hurtful Things
Now that you know when parents will say hurtful things, and you may be able to relate to quite a few, here are some ways that you can handle these moments and how when you hear any hurtful words or hurtful sayings, you will be able to get through them without feeling so hurt and angry.
Go Out For Some Fresh Air
One of the best ways to calm down is going out for a walk in the fresh air and taking a deep breath to steady your nerves.
If they are yelling at you and you feel like you need to remove yourself from the situation before you start saying hurtful things back at them, then tell them plainly that you are going to leave and you will be back when you have both calmed down.
Step outside, take a few deep breaths, and walk.
Walk wherever your feet will take you, go a few times around the block and stay calm.
Getting yourself all riled up on the walk only to walk back in with more anger is just going to send things over the edge, and just because they started hurting you does not mean that you have to reciprocate that.
Think About Why They Said What They Said
Was there a reason behind their outburst?
Did they illude to anything that started them off?
Think about the words used and how they grew into the words they said to you.
If you are stumped, go back to them at a later time when the dust has settled and you are able to talk to them more and see why they said these things to you and what it means.
They may be able to say, or they might be stumped as well.
Sometimes what we say and how we feel comes from a place that we cannot understand, and it comes out at random moments.
Whatever was said, if it truly hurt you, don’t let it go and let them know that you were hurt and you want to discuss it so it doesn’t happen again as it was a lot to deal with.
Speak to Your Friends
You will need an outlet when it comes to talking about how you are feeling and what happened, so you may want to talk with your friends and just spend time with them so you don’t feel alone.
Sharing with others can lighten the load, and you may be able to get additional help from them about what you should say back or how you can handle it in a productive way that won’t send you back into an argument with your parents.
Do Something to Distract Yourself
Sometimes all you need to do is distract yourself from what happened.
If you can’t see your friends or get out of the house, then do something that you like to do to get your mind off of it.
This could be watching a film, reading a book, listening to music, and so on.
It won’t fix things, but for a brief period, you will be able to deal with how you feel and not let it consume you too much until you are ready to either talk it out or move on from it.
Meditation
Meditating can be very beneficial to the mind and it can calm you down when your emotions are at an all-time high.
Carve out some time for yourself to sit somewhere that is quiet and with minimal foot traffic and just sit and meditate for however long you need to.
It can not only calm you down but can also help with your focus which is really important when it comes to confronting someone about their behavior.
Go For a Run or Do Some Excercise
Being physically active can help get your mind off things your parents have said.
Doing something that pulls you out of the situation and have you focused on something else can burn away those feelings and calm you down.
You don’t have to do things that are too strenuous.
Going for a walk, doing some stretches, or biking can get you out of your head as well as give you an endorphin rush that can cause you to feel better, even if for a little bit.
Talk to Them
When parents say hurtful things that make us angry, sad, frustrated, etc., it can be hard to even think about talking to them, but, if you ignore it, it can make the situation a lot worse and you will feel like everything is open-ended.
You don’t have to talk to them straight away after an argument or a discussion, you can leave it alone for a bit and come back to them later.
If there is a pattern of hurt, then tell them that you have noticed it more and more and you are not going to take it.
Setting boundaries is important and it with help both you and them.
Conclusion
It’s not easy speaking to parents about the way they make you feel, especially if it is constant and you don’t get a break from it.
But for your own mental health and well-being, you need to realize that to feel good about yourself, you have to confront this issue so that you are not left with more questions than answers.
Distracting yourself can only work for so long, you have to do what is best for you and the difficult time you are going through.
